Short Jokes
An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. “You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit” The mortician says “We’ll take care of it, ma’am” and yells back, “Ed, switch the heads on two and four!”
~~~~
A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. “I charge $50 for three questions,” the lawyer says. “That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?” the guy asks. “Yes,” the lawyer replies, “Now what’s your final question?”
~~~~
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells “You should have been here at 8:30!” he replies: “Why? What happened at 8:30?”
~~~~
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.” The doctor says, “Why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “We would. But we need the eggs.”
~~~~
There’s 2 fish in a tank, and one says, “How do you drive this thing?”
~~~~
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it’s bill withers.
~~~~
Why do mice have small balls? Because not that many of them can dance.
~~~~
Where can you find a hamster with no legs? Wherever you left it !
