Divorce Jokes
It’s Monday. Let’s get divorced! Actually, that may be happening to me at this very moment, and it really isn’t all that funny. I’ll try not to let all the jokes get bitter: “A rabbi, a priest and a duck went into a bar. The priest beat the duck to death with a spoon.” But these divorce jokes are funny. They are borrowed, stolen, or whatever, from a very funny site: ButlerWebs.com There’s more where these came from, so go read the rest…
~~~~~
Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage.
~~~~~
Question: Why is divorce so expensive?
Answer: Because it’s worth it.
~~~~~
“Yeah, my husband and I just split up. I finally faced the fact that we’re incompatible. I’m a Virgo and he’s an asshole.”
~~~~~
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
~~~~~
Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
~~~~~
For Sale
Wedding dress, size 12.
Worn once by mistake.
~~~~~
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.
~~~~~
“I’m a big opponent of divorce. Why leave the nut you got for one you don’t know?”
– Loretta Lynn
~~~~~
Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they’re wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.
~~~~~
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.
Look Miss,” said the foreman, “have you any actual experience in picking lemons?”
“Well, as a matter if fact, yes!” she replied. “I’ve been divorced three times.”
Submitted by Gr8SmokyMt
~~~~~
90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house.
10% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.
~~~~~
First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
~~~~~
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
~~~~~
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him).
~~~~~
Did You Know?
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
~~~~~
Former Education Secretary William Bennett attended a modern wedding where the bride and groom pledged in their wedding vows to remain together “as long as love shall last.”
Bennett said, “I sent paper plates as my wedding gift.”
~~~~~
My soon-to-be ex-husband brought his girlfriend to divorce court this week. I guess they figured she might as well know what to expect.
~~~~~
A Woman’s Perfect Breakfast
You’re sitting at the breakfast table…..
Your son’s picture is on the box of Wheaties.
Your daughter is on the cover of Fortune.
Your boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
Your husband is on the back of the milk carton.
~~~~~
A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say, “Judge, we want a divorce.”
The judge says, “You’ve been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?”
The couple say in unison, “Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead.”
~~~~~
Love may be blind, but marriage Is a real eye-opener!
~~~~~
Get a New Car for Your Spouse.
It’ll be a Great Trade!
i recently got divorced from my russian wife because she is a very irresponsible woman.-*,
Divorce is always a bad news among married couples. Some couples just cannot iron out their differences.’;,
Divorce will always lead to depression and anger towards the other party. As much as possible avoid divorce.*.
There’s a book acknowledged as “Avoid Retirement And Remain Alive”. The idea is the reality that retirement has no location in modern-day society. In the event you have the ability to make work pleasant by balancing it against the other points you would like to do, then you definitely can easily reside like you’ve got all the time inside of the globe.